Where can you find a good dominatrix?

If your husband like to wear your panties, does that mean he's gay?

What really goes on at SM clubs?

After you tie someone up, what exactly are you supposed to do?

Is there such a thing as normal sex?

If you've ever wondered about the ins and outs of bondage, spanking, or cross-dressing, look no further. Come Hither is a frank, friendly guide on how to turn your secret fantasies into satisfying expressions of love and desire. The official resource guide for SM/fetish sex at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, Come Hither proves that a little kink can be a lot of fun.< Bob Berkowitz author of His Secret Life Come Hither is accessible, fun to read, informative, and sexy all at the same time. I highly recommend it.< Dr. Robert T. McIlvenna President, The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality Dr. Brame is simply the best tour guide I know for your travel in the world of kinky sex.< Chapter One: Introductory Kink

KINKY CONFESSIONAL

Nine years ago, I began working on a book called Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission. When my coauthors and I started out, we assumed we would be researching the small sexual subculture of dominance and submission (also known as B&D and SM) to which we belonged. Basically, we sought to write a book about people like us for people like us -- people who knew what they liked but felt they needed to understand more about kinky sex from a broad perspective.

On this assumption, we researched the history and practice of SM, and directed all our interview efforts at people in the "Scene" (a nickname for the kinky subculture in the United States). Aiming for diversity, we talked to as many different kinky people as possible -- gay, straight, transgendered, bisexual. We recruited them from kinky newsgroups on the Internet, sometimes according to their fetishes; we wrote letters to SM/fetish organizations and attended club events, distributing flyers; and we asked friends to tell friends about our book project.

In the end, we had hundreds of terrific interviews, covering not only an amazing spectrum of sexual variations, but spanning a diverse range of religions, ages, races, and social classes. There was, however, one serious limitation on the sample: All of the people we interviewed knew they were kinky and had decided, at some point in their lives, to join the SM subculture to one degree or another.

In fact, the number of people who actually find their way into the Scene represents only a small fraction of the total number of American adults who enjoy erotic variations that would be classed, clinically, as sadomasochistic or fetishistic. During the course of our research, that larger group revealed itself to us. It comprised a largely conventional, completely in-the-closet, and clinically unacknowledged segment of society that neither seeks out kinky contacts nor even admits to having kinky fantasies to anyone other than a life-partner -- or possibly a professional dominatrix.

My husband, Will Brame (who was my coauthor on Different Loving, along with Jon Jacobs), and I were at first bemused when, at conservative literary gatherings, we would be deluged by people who asked us lurid questions. At one such prim gathering where the women wore Birkenstocks and the men wore colorless ties, one thirty-something repeatedly squealed loudly in disgust as we talked about our research. Later, she approached us privately. Dreading yet another onslaught, we were taken aback when she asked us this question: Her ex-boyfriend liked her to pee on him before sex. Would we consider this kinky?

Well, yes. We would. It's certainly kinky enough for there to be a clinical term for it (urophilia, or a love of urine).

The squealer was only the first of an unfathomable number of ordinary, conservative people we've met since who similarly react first with horror, then fascination, when we describe our work.

The most curious confessions came from a media coach. She told us later that she had been worrying all day that we would show up in biker jackets, with chains around our necks and piercings everywhere else. Our business suits apparently comforted her because by the ti Read Less